


Safe Place

by Cargo



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Buck and his Facts™, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 01:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30081048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cargo/pseuds/Cargo
Summary: Eddie opens the door and he doesn't know what he'd been picturing, but it definitely isn't this.Buck looks up at him, eyes full of panic, desperation, fear—Eddie sees all the things that he would never in a hundred years wish upon his worst enemy, let alone his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 39
Kudos: 449





	Safe Place

**Author's Note:**

> hey homies!! it's been a hot minute!! just a heads up that this deals with anxiety and panicking, so be sure to be safe reading if that's something that could possibly negatively impact you! bc I love you and I want you to be a-okay <3  
> hope you all enjoy, you guys are the best!

When Eddie hears a soft knock on the front door in the middle of the night, all of his senses sharpen. It's ingrained in him to think about every worst case scenario, every possible way this could turn into a dangerous situation, and to be prepared for it all. He's got a home and a kid to protect, it's a lot of responsibility for one person and it's not something he takes lightly, especially considering there's been a couple of break-ins in the neighbourhood this month.

And then there's another knock, but this time it's in a pattern that only Buck uses. Eddie's not sure when it started, but he's almost positive that Buck does it so that Eddie'll know it's him behind that door and not a threat.

He makes it to the front door in a matter of two seconds. He's relieved that it's Buck, though he has to admit that this situation comes with its own worries. It's well past midnight, far later than what would generally be deemed an acceptable time to drop in and hang out. Buck hasn't called or texted either, which—he's not sure what that means, if it's a good or bad thing, but it's a _thing_ nonetheless.

Eddie opens the door and he doesn't know what he'd been picturing, but it definitely isn't this.

Buck looks up at him, eyes full of panic, desperation, fear—Eddie sees all the things that he would never in a hundred years wish upon his worst enemy, let alone his best friend. Buck's hands tremble slightly at his sides and he looks like he's unsure about being here. Like he's currently debating whether to stay or run, whether to let Eddie in or shut him out.

So Eddie steps aside, a wordless invitation to get Buck inside. Because he's not letting Buck go anywhere else, not like this, not when Eddie's got him.

Buck steps into the house, his motions almost robotic as he lets muscle memory pull him into the kitchen. Eddie follows, making sure to leave space between them in case Buck is as easily spooked as he looks. Eddie's eyes are full of worry as he watches Buck lean against the counter, staring at the floor like it's just told him his dog died. And now that Eddie's looking, really looking, he can see that the shaking doesn't stop at his hands, his whole body is buzzing. It feels like Eddie has the wrong end of a live powerline sparking in his kitchen, and honestly, it scares him.

It scares him because he knows he's never seen Buck like this. He's never seen him so close and yet _so_ far away.

"Buck." He says softly.

The word, quietly as he'd said it, stuns Buck from his silent trance. You would have thought a bomb went off for how quickly Buck's head whips to face Eddie's.

"You alright?" Eddie continues, keeping his voice calm.

"Oh, uh... Yeah, I'm fine." Buck's eyes widen almost imperceptibly. His breathing picks up then, coming out in short bursts as he ducks his head again. "I was reading."

"Reading?" Eddie asks quietly, searching Buck's gaze.

Buck nods a little. "About how um... deep pressure on the body can stimulate the nervous sys-system, which can lo-lower your heart rate and blood pressure—"

Eddie frowns. "Okay...?"

"It uh—it can lower cortisol , y-y'know, the stress hormone, the one that basically co-controls your body's fight or flight instinct—"

"Buck." Eddie interrupts, trying to understand what's going on. "Did something happen?"

"—and-and-and deep pressure stimulation can also increase oxytocin production in the body, as well as dopamine and se-serotonin," Buck runs a shaky hand through his hair, "all the happy chemicals, y'know, the uh—the ones that can help reduce anxiety and stress—"

Eddie helplessly takes a step closer and watches as Buck's chest stutters with uneven breaths.

Buck looks up at him, his eyes glazed with held-back tears. "I was also r-reading that it could help calm someone, you know, if th-they were panicking or something."

_"Buck."_ Eddie murmurs.

"Some st-studies suggest that it can also help babies brains develop and kids grow up to be less anxious and cope with stress better as adults, plus—"

"Buck." Eddie repeats, more firmly this time. He closes the distance between them and puts a hand on Buck's shoulder, seeking out his eyes.

"Oh... Shit, I'm a total idiot. I wasn't even thinking— I probably interrupted your night, you were probably already asleep, I'm so sorry—I didn't mean to just—I uh, I sh-should go." Buck looks—he almost looks scared, and Eddie can't have that, he really can't.

"Hey, you didn't interrupt anything. And you're always welcome here, you know that." Eddie says, with a nod. "You're not going anywhere."

Buck's breaths are coming two at a time and his panic only seems to be getting worse. "I'm sorry, Eddie, I'm sor—" He cuts himself off with a suppressed sob.

Eddie's hand slides off Buck's shoulder, glides along his arm, and his hand settles around the man's wrist. "Come with me." Eddie says, his heart breaking as he gazes at the man before him. "Please."

"Where?" Tears roll down Buck’s face despite his best effort to keep it together.

"Just come." Eddie replies quietly, tugging Buck along as he slowly makes his way out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into—

"Why are we in your room?" Buck whispers brokenly, his heart stuttering in his chest as his lungs fight for some semblance of normalcy.

"We're going to test out your new science facts." Eddie answers warmly.

"We—" Buck looks helplessly lost, but there's a hopefulness in his eyes that shines through it.

Eddie throws back the covers and sits Buck down on the edge of the mattress. "Take some deep breaths, Buck." Eddie murmurs softly. "You're gonna make yourself pass out."

"I—I can't, Eddie." Buck shakes his head, his eyes and cheeks glazed with tears. "I'm sorry." He adds, defeated, "I didn't mean to-to make you deal with this—with me."

"You're not something to deal with, Buck. You're always wanted here, no matter what, especially if you're not feeling okay. I—we always want you. I promise." Eddie reassures him.

Buck nods hesitantly.

"Do you wanna take off your hoodie and your shoes?" Eddie asks gently, reaching forward to wipe the tears from Buck's face.

Buck ducks his head nervously. "Uh, you really sure you want me here?"

"Never been more sure. You wanna sleep in all that?" Eddie continues, motioning to Buck's clothes.

"I'm sleeping here?"

"Well, yeah."

"I'm not kicking you out of your bed." Buck shakes his head solemnly.

Eddie chuckles quietly. "And who said I was going anywhere?"

Buck jerks his head back up and gazes at Eddie, looking for some sign that this is a joke. This isn't exactly how he'd imagined finally getting into bed with Eddie, but with everything they've been through together, it feels like the most natural way for this to go. "Really?" Buck asks breathlessly.

"Yeah, is that okay?"

Buck nods immediately, zero hesitation in his relieved expression.

“Okay.” Eddie nods, a tentative smile on his lips. "Hurry up and get changed then. We got hypotheses to form, methods to test."

Buck smiles. He finally smiles. It's not big and it's not bright, but he fucking _smiles_ and Eddie's pretty sure his heart has never been so simultaneously full _and_ broken.

A second later, Buck pulls his hoodie off of himself, unfazed when his t-shirt slides off with it. He kicks off his shoes, setting them aside neatly.

While he continues, Eddie turns to find something more comfortable for Buck to wear. There are three pairs of Buck's sweats that have in one way or another ended up in the stack of his own, he knows that because those three pairs typically tend to be the ones he chooses to wear around the house on his days off. He grabs one of them and after a moment's thought, pulls a loose Army t-shirt out of his dresser too.

"Get changed." He sets the clothes on Buck's lap. "I'm just going to check on Christopher, I'll be right back."

Buck nods and watches him go.

Christopher is sleeping as expected, but Eddie takes an extra minute just to watch the rise and fall of his chest. If he hugs his son twice as much as usual tomorrow, it'll just be a coincidence.

Eddie walks back to his room and smiles when he sees Buck. There's a warmth that shoots through his abdomen when he sees Buck sitting in his bed and wearing his t-shirt, but he quickly files that feeling away for later examination.

He's determined to focus on right now. He makes his way over to the bed and climbs into the empty side of the bed.

Buck's whole body is still shaking slightly, his breaths are quick and shallow, and he looks absolutely rattled.

"Okay, so." Eddie reaches over him and switches off the lamp. The room still has a dim glow from the nightlight across the room, there in case Christopher ever needs to find his way to him at night. "You said something about pressure? What are we talking here?"

"Yeah, it's uh... deep pressure therapy, basically um, using pressure or weight you can stimulate your body into switching from the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system and—"

"Okay," Eddie interrupts, raising an eyebrow at Buck's nervous rambling. "But what do I... do?"

"Oh. I don't, uh... I'm not sure." Buck stammers, shaking his head.

Eddie pauses momentarily and then moves closer to Buck. He plants a knee over either side of the man's hips and places his hands on the mattress beside his upper arms. He lets himself down slowly, so that Buck can push him away in case it's too much. Eddie slowly settles his weight against Buck, blanketing himself over the man until they're touching from chest to hip. He rests his head on the man's shoulder, pressing his face against his neck. Eddie relaxes against him, his mind hypervigilant as it keeps a lookout for any sign that Buck is uncomfortable.

"Oh." Buck says, breathing out all his air at once. His eyes flutter closed and he focuses on the weight against him.

"This okay?" Eddie's voice is full of concern, but still completely gentle and soothing.

Buck nods. His chest stutters once or twice and then gets with the program. Buck breathes in deep, finally, and lets it out. He manages to work his lungs into a steady sequence, it's a little harder to inflate them with the extra weight, but it's also the reason he's not hyperventilating anymore. He alternates with Eddie; exhales when he inhales, inhales when he exhales. Focusing on the patterns makes his mind feel like it's in less of a haze and eventually his whole chest loosens up. And with every breath he takes in through his nose, he's met with Eddie's comfortingly familiar scent, which does more to calm him than he ever thought possible.

The weight is helping in all the best ways. He can feel his muscles gradually relaxing, he feels the anxiety start to edge out, and he's finally starting to relax. He's pretty relieved that Eddie wanted to do this in bed, because as all the negative emotions fade, he's met with a wall of overwhelming exhaustion. Buck's pretty sure he could cry, or maybe laugh.

They lay there for an indeterminable amount of minutes when Eddie whispers to him, his breath tickling Buck's neck. "Feeling any better?"

"Yeah." Buck answers, his voice more steady and controlled. "Thank you."

"Can't say I'm suffering here." Eddie replies, grinning softly when he feels Buck's arms wrap around him.

"Science facts confirmed." Buck states lightly, dragging his fingers up and down Eddie's spine, unable to stop his smile when he feels the other man shiver against him.

Eddie laughs silently. "Count me in for the next experiment."

"I will." Buck responds warmly. "Love you, Eddie."

He feels Buck tense slightly under him, like he hadn't meant to say it aloud. Eddie reaches out, rubbing his thumb along Buck's collarbone in a comforting motion. "I know." He says with a warm smile, pressing a kiss to the side of Buck's neck. "I love you, too."

He can feel Buck grin more than he can see it.

"Sleep now, Buck. We'll talk in the morning." Eddie says fondly. "After you make pancakes for your Diazes, of course." He adds teasingly.

"Deal." Buck replies, his voice holding all the hope, happiness and joy that they're both feeling. “Night.”

“Goodnight.” Eddie replies quietly, unable to stop himself from pressing another kiss to Buck’s neck, right over his pulse point.

Buck falls asleep soon after, completely relaxed under the safety of Eddie's hold. Eddie doesn’t last much longer with the pair of strong arms wrapped around his back, holding him in place.

When Eddie wakes to an empty bed, his breath catches in his throat and he's immediately worried that he'd taken things too far, overstepped while Buck was in a vulnerable mindset, maybe he—

And then he hears a pan clang against the stove, listens to Buck and Chris hysterically cracking up, breathes in the aroma of fresh coffee and warm blueberry pancakes, and he knows—he just _knows_ that it’s all okay, maybe even better than it was before.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! love you homie!


End file.
